


♦ Delusion Sketch

by EvelynLawliet



Series: ♦ 30 Day Cheesy Tropes Challenge [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Boss Dean, Boss/Employee Relationship, Cheating, Dubious Consent, F/M, Hurt, M/M, Office Sex, Secretary Castiel, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 10:54:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2649356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvelynLawliet/pseuds/EvelynLawliet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt 15: Office Romance AU</p><p>In fact, if Castiel had a choice, he knew he wouldn’t hesitate on begging for a beating instead of having the known warmth of that hand brushing against his crotch. Because it wasn’t a pleasant feeling, like he had been expecting. No; it burned. It felt like fire on his skin, and everything he wanted to do was pushing the hand away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	♦ Delusion Sketch

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the most disturbing story I've written for this challenge until now. I like it, because I like writing angst, but it's a little heavy, in my opinion, and also, I cheated a little bit, since it was supposed to be a romance. Sorry! X3 Anyway, I hope you all like it! <3

They first met two weeks after when Castiel decided it was time to look for a job. He had been unemployed for about three months back then and, after hearing thousands of advices from Balthazar, the raven haired realized his friend was right, it truly was the time to start living his life once more; a whole year had gone by without Castiel’s notice, after all, and he felt as if he had been left out of his own life.

Once he stepped inside Winchester Brothers Inc., he felt completely happy with himself. The break up that had almost cost him his life felt like a distant nightmare, and he knew he was ready to move on. Even the air in the company was light, especially with the many smiles he received on his way towards Sam Winchester’s office.

Always having been a hopeless romantic, Castiel wondered for a moment if that man was who would make him forget about his former boyfriend and what he had done to him. Sam was tall, handsome, and so bright that Castiel couldn’t help but feel a little bit amazed by his possible future boss.

Still, it wasn’t to work for Sam that the blue-eyed was being interviewed that day. In fact, his job would be as Sam’s brother, Dean, secretary. And Castiel was okay with that. He had always been organized, and the job would allow him to be close to Sam and his happiness, so, really, for perhaps the first time in his life, Castiel was more than happy when he was contacted to be let known he had gotten the job.

His first day was like everybody else’s. He ran around after paper work and meeting plans, trying to impress both of his bosses. That day Dean had been so busy that he didn’t even get time to get out of his office, and Castiel understood that. In his career, many of the people for whom he had worked didn’t even have time to breathe. Also, it meant that Sam would call him and explain what Dean needed.

After two weeks of working at the company and never once having seen his boss, Castiel started getting suspicious. He told Sam as much, saying he didn’t understand why he worked for Dean if the brown haired was the one to give him the orders. Sam then proceeded to tell him about how his brother hated the company’s environment and that, although he did go to work, he avoided anything to do with it.

Apologizing for his intrusion, Castiel excused himself. In order to show him it was nothing, though, Sam invited the blue-eyed for a game at Dean’s flat. Obviously, Castiel refused, saying it wasn’t his place, especially when it wasn’t even the owner of the place who was inviting him, but Sam said it was nonsense and basically told him that either he went, or he wouldn’t be forgiven. The huge, somewhat dopey grin on the man’s face gave Castiel all the encouragement he needed to agree.

Saturday came along and, after having spent three long hours deciding what to wear to impress Sam – and to finally meet his other boss –, Castiel judged himself to be ready. The apartment was only a few blocks away, so the raven haired decided to walk. As the air brushed his hair, he wondered if he should go back home. It was the first time he would see Sam out of work, and he needed to look casual, but also professional, as if he weren’t trying to impress him or anything.

All thoughts of Sam were erased from his mind when a rough voice came from inside the apartment as soon as he knocked on the door, though. “Just a sec!” the man who Castiel supposed to be Dean told him and, licking at his suddenly dry lips, Castiel did, shifting from leg to leg to send away his slight discomfort.

“Sorry, Sammy, the oven was…You’re not Sam,” was the first thing Dean said, and just from those words Castiel knew he was lost. The few bruises from his last and final encounter with his former boyfriend suddenly didn’t hurt like they used to, and the blue-eyed man was filled with something he couldn’t properly name.

Looking down to hide the faint blush taking over his cheeks, Castiel shook his head. “I was told to come here and watch the game with you?” he tried, raising his gaze only to be met by astounding green. “Sam invited me on Tuesday. I’m Castiel Novak, by the way; your new secretary,” the raven haired explained.

Dean let him in after that, and Sam turned out not to show up, because his girlfriend, Jessica, was coming back earlier from a trip. That turned into an awkward session in which Castiel stole several glances from his blonde boss and tried not to pop a boner in his living room. It worked for about two hours, and Castiel decided he had to leave there soon.

Not so surprisingly, it was really easy to do so. Dean was probably as uncomfortable with the situation as he was, and his leaving was certainly for the best. For some reason, though, the green-eyed man started coming out of his office a few times a week, always with the excuse of getting himself a coffee, black with two sugars. Sometimes he’d ask Castiel to bring it to him instead, and those were the moments in which the raven haired imagined Dean laid on a king size bed, just waiting for Castiel to prepare him his morning coffee.

If he were smarter, Castiel would have noticed the looks Dean gave him when he was too busy trying not to giggle from happiness at a small compliment or smile.

Now, two years after the first time he laid eyes on Dean Winchester, Castiel regretted ever stepping inside Winchester Brothers Inc. As the blonde man ran his nail along his stomach, Castiel asked himself how he could have been so stupid to actually imagine living together with him. The cruelty of what he forced Castiel to do was far worse than what his last boyfriend did.

In fact, if Castiel had a choice, he knew he wouldn’t hesitate on begging for a beating instead of having the known warmth of that hand brushing against his crotch. Because it wasn’t a pleasant feeling, like he had been expecting. No; it _burned_. It felt like fire on his skin, and everything he wanted to do was pushing the hand away.

Except for the part in which his words disagreed with him. “Dean,” he murmured. “Please.” It was a surprise that the word still had the same effect on the blonde, but Dean never seized to impress him. Every time Castiel was sure there would be no more tricks, no more fooling around, Dean did it again.

And the problem was that Castiel couldn’t even blame him. It was all his fault, because he _had_ noticed the ring on Dean’s finger before, and he knew exactly what it meant. But, of course, he paid it no mind. He actually treasured the moments in which Dean touched him, reveled in how addictive his cinnamon and leather scent was. Castiel was the one who was free to do whatever he wanted with his life, not Dean. And yet he had chosen to follow his assassin blindly, missing his voice, craving the burning of his fingertips when they no longer touched his sensitive skin.

The first time Castiel met Dean’s wife, they had already been having little escapes after hours for about three months. Lisa came into the office to bring Dean lunch, and when she told Castiel her last name, he simply stopped. Up until that moment he had tried imagining every possible reason for Dean to wear a wedding ring, even if he made sure to take it off when he touched him.

That was probably one of the worst days in Castiel’s life. He had to watch Dean show his wife around for everybody, tell them how gorgeous and perfect she was, just like the blue-eyed had always wanted Dean to do with him. His heart craved for Dean to love him back, even if not with the same intensity.

But of course, that was nothing but a distant dream; a delusion. Lisa started paying visits much more often after that, and since both Sam and Dean – for completely different reasons – always insisted he went to their barbecues, parties, company events and such, he could never escape seeing her and, more importantly, seeing her being Dean’s wife.

Once Dean told him he would ditch her for Castiel. Of course, he was so drunk at the moment that Castiel to take him to his own apartment so that he could take care of him. That day his dream of bringing Dean coffee in bed had come true, and he realized then that everything with him would be like that: better in his head.

Castiel knew not to mention that fact, but it didn’t stop the thought from nagging him every time they were apart. And what for? Dean just had to look at him and Castiel would fall to his knees and beg him to be taken; sometimes literally. As always, Dean did, but the blue-eyed knew he was nothing more than a distraction.

“Tell me what you want, sweetheart,” Dean whispered against his neck, to which Castiel replied by throwing his head back to give him more access. “My pretty Angel, always so good for me,” he praised, and the fact that Castiel actually whimpered from just that was the wordless proof of how far gone he truly was.

Swallowing the lump on his throat that always formed whenever Dean touched him, Castiel shook his head, as if his brain were begging him to stop. “You,” the raven haired replied instead. “Always you, please…Please, Dean, you.” His body was shaking, and he had to bite the inner side of his cheek to stop the tears from rolling. He hated baring himself like that, but he simply couldn’t stop the words.

Slowly opening the zipper and button of his pants, Dean countered his neck with his nose. “Shh, sweetheart; I’m gonna take good care of you,” he promised as his tongue darted out to lick a stripe behind Castiel’s ear. The feeling made the man close his eyes and melt into his captor’s arms.

Dean took hold of his painfully hard cock then, ripping a cry from Castiel that became louder once the blonde placed his own covered shaft against Castiel’s ass and began rutting. They didn’t have time for anything else, and some part of the blue-eyed was happy for that. He didn’t think he could take that much in that moment.

A strong pull at his leaking member had Castiel’s mouth falling open as he tried to alternate between thrusting both upwards into Dean’s hand and backwards into his cock. He knew he wouldn’t last much, and he hated that, because it was obvious what he meant for the green-eyed man and, if he couldn’t please him, he wouldn’t be able to keep him.

The thought had his chest contracting and it was so difficult to breathe that he was sure he would crash or break in a matter of seconds. His body hurt all over, his brain seemed too big for his small head, his clothes were too hot and too heavy, and all he wanted to do was _scream_ ; why couldn’t he just _scream_?

Willing himself back to consciousness, Castiel reached his left hand back and gripped Dean’s hair, pulling him closer to his neck, trying to forget about everything else, about Lisa, about his own beliefs, about the possible end of his job at Winchester Brothers Inc. if someone were to find out about them and, basically, about what they were doing at that very moment.

Feeling Dean’s thumb on the slit of his cock, Castiel whimpered yet again, his fingers hurting from how hard he was bracing himself on the sand colored locks of his boss. His surroundings began blurring not just from his approaching orgasm and the confusion of feelings and thoughts inside his mind, but also from the tears that he couldn’t hold anymore.

“Dean!” he screamed. “Dean, please,” _stop!_ “Dean, I –” _can’t, it’s too much, leave me alone._ “Please, Dean, I beg you,” _let me survive this._ “Don’t” _stay here, I don’t want this!,_ “leave me, I need you.” As if his breath had been punched out of his chest, Castiel came in Dean’s hand harder than he ever had.

His body felt out of his control, and, once Dean’s arms slipped away from his waist, Castiel had to support himself on his desk so that he wouldn’t fall. He couldn’t see anything and his hearing seemed damaged, aside from the fact that he could feel the cold air against his spent cock, which still hung out of his pants.

Once he could see again, Castiel turned around to apologize for his behavior, but Dean was long gone. Looking around the empty room, the blue-eyed caught sight of the clock and, noticing it was already one in the morning, he adjusted himself back in his pants and left the place as fast as he could, hugging his trench coat tightly against his gelid body.

It always felt like that, after Dean was gone. The burning fire was replaced by the freezing ice, and he could barely walk. He wanted to get out of there as soon as he could before he did something stupid, but his brain stopped him. It worked better when Dean wasn’t around, and therefore he headed to his desk.

With trembling hands, Castiel started typing his resignation letter. He couldn’t stay in that place with Dean anymore, especially after what he had told him. The rational part of him always knew they weren’t meant to be, since Dean was afraid that coming out would ruin his and Sam’s company, hence Lisa.

But it didn’t matter for Castiel; not now. If he saw the blonde Winchester once again, he was afraid nothing would be left of him. He had never experienced anything like momentarily blindness and slight deafness. For a few months he had been observing the things his body forced himself to do in Dean’s presence, and he promised he would ask for dismissal if it came to the point in which he realized killing himself would be the only other available option.

He left the letter in Sam’s office instead of Dean’s and ran back to his apartment, falling into a deep sleep filled with nightmares. What woke him up was a text message from Sam’s number that told him to show up as soon as possible to discuss his resignation. Castiel hated that part, but he knew he couldn’t simply stop going and hope it would be okay.

Feeling defeated, he drove towards Winchester Brothers Inc. for what he swore to be the last time. He avoided looking at anybody, his body still trembling from the cold and his eyes glazed over. Seeing was still slightly difficult, and he tried to hope Sam was only calling him to his office to ask for clarifications in typos.

“Cas!” Sam greeted him once he stepped inside the younger Winchester’s office. “What happened to you?” he asked, and Castiel could hear the concern in his voice and see it once he stood up to help him sit down. Did he really look that bad? Well, it was understandable, considering the amount of thoughts running inside his mind.

Meeting the hazel eyes in front of his own blue ones, Castiel tried to keep his head up. “I am alright, Mr. Winchester. Is that all you needed to ask me?” the raven haired inquired, blinking his eyes to send the fog away. They went through a detailed discussion as to why Castiel had written that letter, and two hours later the blue-eyed finally convinced Sam he simply needed some time for himself.

Just as he was leaving the company, though, he met the last person he wanted to. Dean studied him with a hardness to his eyes Castiel had never seen before. The green was like cold stones now, and the sight made him shudder and try to curl into a ball and disappear. Giving him a once over, Dean raised his chin, making himself superior. “Mr. Novak, will you accompany me to my office?”

The world fell on Castiel’s shoulders as he tried to control the movement of his legs. It mattered nothing and, an hour later, with the bitter taste of come in his tongue, Castiel left Dean’s office and almost ran towards his car. He started driving away, as if putting some distance between himself and Dean would stop him from controlling his actions.

But that was only what he hoped. Something cracked inside him when he realized he was trapped to Dean Winchester for the rest of his life. Castiel screamed to the empty highway that was currently closed he didn’t realized he had taken the exit to. In front of him laid a cliff, only a few feet away. There was plenty of time to hit the brakes, or even make a turn that would save his life.

And only one question surrounded him: what for? What did he have to go back to? A life of being Dean’s toy? Of not being able to willing? He didn’t want that. Ever since he was a little kid, Castiel always wanted to be free. He dreamed of having wings that would take him away from all that hurt or kept him.

It felt as if they lay at the bottom of the cliff, just waiting for him to reach out and take them. And why wouldn’t he? He had never been one to refuse a gift, and the thing he had most wanted was now something he could have. Feeling his mind clear from the pain and desperation he had been feeling for almost two years now, Castiel stepped into the gas.

“I love you.”

-~-

_Please, Dean, I beg you. Don’t leave me, I need you._

The words hunted him for the rest of the night after they left Castiel’s mouth. It was one of the few times in which Dean truly felt the will to push Lisa away. Not that he didn’t like her, it was just that he didn’t like the way she made him feel; as if something wasn’t right and everything was misplaced.

When morning came, Dean had decided it: he would finally do what he had promised Castiel long ago and leave Lisa. He had spent five years keeping images for the company’s wellbeing, and he deemed he should have something of his own. The plan was all formed in his mind, in which he would tell Lisa about Castiel that night.

Of course, when Sam told him about Castiel’s resignation letter, Dean knew the blue-eyed man had only been faking everything for all those years and, when he caught sight of him, Dean decided he had to be punished. He fucked into his mouth like he never had, his hips and legs hurting from the effort, but it was needed.

Castiel tried apologizing for the night before afterwards, and Dean just told him to leave at once. The sight of the raven haired closing the door of his office always made Dean feel strange, even if he never had the guts to say it out loud. Throughout the day, Dean felt impatient. He just wanted to leave that place and have the biggest bottle of whisky he had in his stock.

After yet another restless night, Dean walked inside Winchester Brothers Inc. cursing the moment he agreed on being a part of it all. He didn’t want to talk to anybody, so when he saw Sam in his office, he didn’t wait to tell him to fuck off. Of course, Sam just looked at him, like he always did. Except that this time his eyes looked sunken in, as if he had cried moments ago.

A piece of paper was thrown in his direction and Dean to fight not to drop it to the floor. It was a newspaper, he noticed after putting his briefcase on his desk and taking a better look at the front page.

_Friday, June 20, 2014_

**_Local Man Commits Suicide at the Closed Highway_ **

_In what the police believe to be the afternoon of the last Thursday, a local man drove off the cliff at the recently closed highway. Officers say there were no signs of failures in the brakes, which leads us to affirm that it wasn’t a murder. The man was identified during the night by a friend of his, Balthazar Roché, who affirmed to be unaware of the man’s mental state._

_Castiel Novak worked until the same day at Winchester Brothers Inc., when he wrote his resignation letter. The reasons behind it were unknown, but a speculation would be that, after two years of hard work, Mr. Novak could not take the pressure of being Dean Winchester’s secretary anymore._

_His funeral will be held the next Thursday, June 26, at the local cemetery. In his will, which he had written a year before the accident, Mr. Novak left his property and inheritance for his brother, Gabriel Novak, who will be organizing the arrangements for his funeral._

Dean stopped reading it as soon as he read Castiel’s name. No. _No_. _No_! The blonde’s hands started shaking with anger, his breathing increased and, when his brother tried to help him, he yelled to be left alone. Sam knew when to do what Dean told him, and therefore he left quickly, barely escaping the mug Dean had thrown at the door.

His whole office was destructed when his body gave out. He fell, screaming at the top of his lungs as he tried to gather his surroundings, the air stopping just before it reached his lungs, as if mocking him, telling him how he almost had Castiel for himself, but pushed him away by pretending not to care about the only one he had ever loved.

“No…,” he murmured, pulling at his hair like Castiel had done the other night, trying to turn back time and go back to that moment, to tell him he also needed him. Why hadn’t he told him? Why did he have to be so fucking _stupid_? And, oh. _Oh_.

Swallowing, Dean realized _he_ was the reason why Castiel killed himself. _He_ was the one who never had time for him, unless he wanted a quick fuck. No, that wasn’t right. It couldn’t be, it was all just another nightmare, and he would wake up, not to Lisa’s even breathing, but to Cas’s fingers lightly brushing his hair.

He had to redeem himself, he…He had to do _something_. That was when it hit him. Being the co owner of a big company, Dean liked to be forewarned. Barely seeing what was ahead of him, he reached inside his bottom drawer and took the gun he left there for occasions of need. Ironically, that was the first time he had touched it after putting it there.

Would that solve his problems? Probably not, but it would take him to Cas, and that was what he needed. He just needed Cas. “I’ll follow you wherever you go, my Angel,” Dean promised as he opened his mouth and placed the gun inside. _Now we can always be together_.

**Author's Note:**

> Work also posted to my tumblr: evelynlawliet.tumblr.com . c:


End file.
